The Crack

A 4-year-old tugged on her mother’s shirt:

“Someone kissed me. I didn’t like it.”Her mother — exhausted, on her phone, in a hurry — replied sharply:“Stop lying.”

Four years later, she was raped by a cousin. When asked why she never told, she whispered:

“I told once. She didn’t hear me.”

Trust — once cracked — becomes a wall.

Children do not hide because they want to deceive — they hide because they have learned that their truth might overwhelm an adult.

Sometimes a child tests safety with small disclosures. If those moments are dismissed or ignored, they learn the most damaging lesson:“My voice is too heavy.”

Many adults assume if something were wrong, their child would “just tell.”But children first test trust with clues — not confessions.

What the Numbers Say

• 75% of children who disclose once and are ignored never tell again (APA, 2023)

• Disbelieved children are 4× more likely to be abused again (NIH, 2024)

• 85% of adult survivors say “not being believed” was worse than the abuse (RAINN Survivor Survey, 2024)

These numbers reveal:Believing a child is not optional — it is intervention.

Why Awareness Matters

Children speak in:

• hints

• metaphors

• silence

• new fears

• sudden body modesty

• weird questions

  
  

Adults often respond with:

• correction

• disbelief

• distraction

• minimizing

The crucial skill is permission — permission to speak, even imperfectly.

This week:

1️⃣ Say the sentence that opens doors

“There is NOTHING you could tell me that would make me stop loving you.”

2️⃣ Practice stillnessWhen your child begins a vulnerable sentence —stop, kneel, listen.

3️⃣ Model truth-safe language“I’m glad you told me.”“Thank you for trusting me.”“You did the right thing.”

4️⃣ Repair if neededIf you’ve dismissed them before, say:

“I’m learning. I want to hear you better than before.”

“Teach me to be safe for those I love.”